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Hi, I'm Leo. And I'm a hoarder.

Although there is still Goddam snow outside (no...I'm not bitter at all), I hoped to speed the warmer weather along by doing some spring cleaning.

After 4 hours of hard work, I was proud of myself when I saw what I had accomplished.....3 garbage bags full of old clothes.  In hopes of earning a bit of cash before I donated everything, I took my pile to Plato's Closet, a shop that purchases gently used clothing.  I looked over my 3 bags.  I could earn HUNDREDS of dollars with all this awesome stuff!

I confidently walked in carrying the garbage bags and let Molly play with the accessories while I filled out my name and number for the lady at the cash.

"Ok, great!  Thanks! Just give us 1/2 hour to go through all your stuff!"  She was very smiley.  I snickered to myself.  She'll be smiling a LOT more after she sees the pot of gold I've just given her.

"C'mon Molly!"
"Otay Mommy".

About an hour later, we returned, only to see that the 3 garbage bags I'd given them were still in the same spot.  Oh my God....they're taking it all!!  This is amazing!  I'll probably get, like, one THOUSAND dollars!  I was already planning how to spend my new-found cash when Ms.Smiley saw me and waved me over. 

"Ok.  So we went through your stuff and we chose 7 items."
I laughed and pointed to the garbage bags.  "It looks like a lot more than 7!"
"Oh.  Those are the items we didn't choose".
Say what??
"So, here's your $18.76.  Thanks for choosing Plato's Closet!  Oh - do you need help carrying those garbage bags to your car?"
My nostrils flared.
"Nope.  I'm good.  Molly!  Let's go!"
"Otay Mommy!"

That night I went through every item in those bags.  I pulled out a purple and white shirt from my university days, a pair of tie-dye jeans and a bathing suit that had lost it's elasticity.  I remember that bathing suit well.  I thought I had suddenly lost a serious amount of weight until I realized that there was another reason why the ass part was hanging down at my knees.

As I continued rummaging through the bag, I continued to be disappointed.  Everything I pulled out was either faded,  out of style, damaged, or just plain old.  Then, I looked over at the boxes beside my bedroom door full of  magazines.  They were all out-dated, from 2008-2012 but I refused to get rid of them.   I mean, they're perfectly good magazines!  Then I took a sip of my already cold peppermint tea from my Virgo mug, and chuckled at how I just HAD to buy the matching Leo mug........because my name is Leo.  Get it?  Not because I AM a Leo!  I'm so funny. 

Wait a minute.

GASP!

I'M A HOARDER!!

The realization made my head spin.  I suddenly felt so dizzy.  I stood up and somehow made my way into the hallway.  I felt like the floor was giving out underneath me and the walls were moving.  I grabbed onto the railing from the stairs to support  myself.  Suddenly I saw visions of my parent's old basement, every storage room filled to the brim with boxes.  Suddenly the boxes started laughing at me.  Then I heard Mama's voice....

"I bought you anudder sveter.  Do you like??"

I leaned against the wall and slid down until my bum hit the floor.  This is impossible.  I'm only 30-something years old. I can't be a hoarder??  Hoarders are those people on that show that can't even get into their bedroom because it was packed with boxes full of useless stuff.   I looked down the hall at my bedroom door which hasn't closed for months because of those damn boxes full of my old magazines.

GASP!

Ok.  Maybe I do have a problem.  But I can fix this.   I don't think I'm a BIG hoarder.  Maybe just a baby hoarder.  Like.....on a scale from 1 to 10, maybe I'm a 3......or 4.  Ok, a 5, but that's as far as I would go. 
All I have to do, is stay focused and get rid of stuff.  Easy peesy!  I got this!

The following weekend, on my mission to lose the title of hoarder, I was going to go through my entire house, room by room, and de-clutter my world.  Like the Clean Sweep expert Peter Walsh always says "A cluttered house is a cluttered mind".  I was going to de-clutter my mind!  I mean......well....you get it.....

I started with my garage.  It was packed.  But not after today!

After 5 grueling hours, I had taken everything out, prioritized the contents and put only the necessities back in. I was totally exhausted, but I had done a lot of work.  But......somehow the garage still looked full.  Hmmm.  I looked at my "discard" pile.  There was only 1 box and 1 garbage bag.  How can that be?  I scanned the garage.  Did I really need 5 strollers?  Well......yes.....they're all different.  There's the single stroller, the double stroller, the umbrella stroller, the wagon and the bike trailer.  Yes, I definitely needed ALL of those.  What about the kid's bikes?  Did I need 5 bikes?  I laughed.  Absolutely!  There's Lola's bike, Molly's bike, Molly's old tricycle...which I'm sure she'll still use.....the Dora tricycle and the matching blue tricycle.  Lola and Molly like to race those together.  They're so cute when they race!

Ok....forget about the garage.  Let's move on to the basement.

I stood at the doorway of my first storage room.  I counted 8 tupperware containers of Christmas decorations.  No wait.....6.  2 of those boxes were Hallowe'en and Easter decorations.  I took a sip of my coffee and laughed.  I definitely couldn't get rid of my decorations!  That would be absurd!  I closed that door and moved down the hall to my second storage room.  Ahh, yes.  There would definitely be some things here that I could get rid of of.  One corner was filled to the ceiling with boxes of Polish crystal from my family in Poland.  I got right to work!



---------4 hours later--------



"Babe, you ok??"
I called my BFF crying.
"No!  I'm not ok!  I'm drowning in Polish crystal!!  And I'm a hoarder!  And it's just going to get worse as I get older!  I'll be 60's years old and I won't be able to leave my house because the doors and windows will be blocked by strollers and bikes and decorations and magazines!  Babe!  I have a problem.  You need to help me!"
"Ok calm down.  I was going to go shopping but I can do that tomorrow.  I'll be at your place in 20  minutes."
"Sniff.  Shopping?  What store?"
"Umm, just Toys R Us.  I needed to get a gift for somone in my kid's class.  Don't worry!  I can do it tomorrow."
Suddenly, I felt happy again.
"I LOVE Toys R Us!  Do you think that bike sale is still on?  Lola mentioned something about a Barbie bike.  Did you see that in the flyer?  Oh never mind, I'll look myself!  YAY!  Toys R Us!"



Well......... 


.......being a hoarder isn't the worst thing you can be right??





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